Well I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I had a funeral recently, but had no dress, so I got a new one and discovered that I can fit a size 16 which makes me happy. It means I've lost 4 dress sizes. The bad news is that the funeral was my grandma's funeral. She died on Thursday, May 12th, 2011 at aprox 1pm. So, good news isnt good news if there's also bad news.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Shit My Family Says
"I'm mutating into a gorilla. Help MEEEEEEEEE..."
My dad, My sister, Emily, and I were all in my dad's car on the way home from the Zona Rosa area. It had been cold that day and my dad had gloves in his car. Emily was messing around and put on one of the gloves and studied her hand for a minute. Her hand had doubled in size with the glove because my dad has large hands. She looked back at the glove and then made a reaching motion at me from the front seat and pleaded, "I'm mutating into a gorilla..... HELLLPPPP MEEEEEE..."
My dad, My sister, Emily, and I were all in my dad's car on the way home from the Zona Rosa area. It had been cold that day and my dad had gloves in his car. Emily was messing around and put on one of the gloves and studied her hand for a minute. Her hand had doubled in size with the glove because my dad has large hands. She looked back at the glove and then made a reaching motion at me from the front seat and pleaded, "I'm mutating into a gorilla..... HELLLPPPP MEEEEEE..."
Shit My Friends Say
"I'd get mad, throw it on the ground and be like,'NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!'"
My CA class had just finished reading a Holocaust Memoir by Gerda Weissmann Klein called All But My Life. We then had to write literary analysis papers on the book. One of the final edits we had to make were to give it an interesting title. I changed mine to, ANALYZING THE LITERATURE: ALL BUT MY LIFE. Austin P. had changed his to 'FAMILY OF FOUR GETS MAULED BY BEAR'. Even though it had absolutely nothing to do with his topic. My friend Kayla turned to me and said, "If I was grading that, I'd get mad, throw it on the ground and be like,'NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!'"
My CA class had just finished reading a Holocaust Memoir by Gerda Weissmann Klein called All But My Life. We then had to write literary analysis papers on the book. One of the final edits we had to make were to give it an interesting title. I changed mine to, ANALYZING THE LITERATURE: ALL BUT MY LIFE. Austin P. had changed his to 'FAMILY OF FOUR GETS MAULED BY BEAR'. Even though it had absolutely nothing to do with his topic. My friend Kayla turned to me and said, "If I was grading that, I'd get mad, throw it on the ground and be like,'NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!'"
What Just Happened?
I was sitting on the floor by my closet door talking to myself (I only do it occasionally. I'm not crazy, even though my family gives me crap about being crazy and talking really loud. They sometimes eavesdrop to hear what Im saying). I heard the bathroom door outside my closet open and close. Then silence. Because my family does eavesdrop, because I share a Jack and Jill bathroom with our office, and because my sister creeps into my room all the time to laugh at me because I talk to myself, I thought she was eavesdropping. Therefore, my thought process was that I was going to foil her plan by opening the door and catching her. Well it was really my grandma coming to ask me to make her food. And I had just smacked her in the face with the door.
Shit My Family Says
"HEY, I found my owl!"
"I didn't know you were missing an owl, Harry Potter."
"It's Harriet Potter to you!"
Right before this conversation, I had gotten an American Girl craft set to make a phone case out of precut felt pieces. I had put it together but then I lost it before I could use it. This had spurred the question,'Have you seen my owl.' When I eventually stuck my hand in my coat pocket and found my owl, I yelled to the whole car, "HEY I FOUND MY OWL!!" Which begged the question, "What owl?"
"The owl I made, mom." I replied.
"I didn't know you were missing an owl, Harry Potter..." said my dad.
"THAT'S HARRIET POTTER TO YOU!" I yelled back.
"Where was it?" he asked.
"In my coat pocket," I replied.
"How sneaky of it," he'd said.
"I didn't know you were missing an owl, Harry Potter."
"It's Harriet Potter to you!"
Right before this conversation, I had gotten an American Girl craft set to make a phone case out of precut felt pieces. I had put it together but then I lost it before I could use it. This had spurred the question,'Have you seen my owl.' When I eventually stuck my hand in my coat pocket and found my owl, I yelled to the whole car, "HEY I FOUND MY OWL!!" Which begged the question, "What owl?"
"The owl I made, mom." I replied.
"I didn't know you were missing an owl, Harry Potter..." said my dad.
"THAT'S HARRIET POTTER TO YOU!" I yelled back.
"Where was it?" he asked.
"In my coat pocket," I replied.
"How sneaky of it," he'd said.
Shit My Friends Say
"Box and Whisker AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Basically Emily (my BFF) who is in the same grade I am but is UBER smart but she's in peak, which are just classes for smart people where they teach curriculum that is two grade levels ahead of their grade. She was at my house in the kitchen with me, and we were discussing why our Honors Bio teacher is basically only teaching theory, when Emily looked at the counter and saw my sister Emily's math textbook. Emily started flipping through the book and came to the chapter where the kids learn about box and whisker plots. Well box and whisker plots are FRICKING RETARDED and everyone hates them. So Emily saw the page and yelled, "BOX AND WHISKER AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" as she started to hit the book.
Basically Emily (my BFF) who is in the same grade I am but is UBER smart but she's in peak, which are just classes for smart people where they teach curriculum that is two grade levels ahead of their grade. She was at my house in the kitchen with me, and we were discussing why our Honors Bio teacher is basically only teaching theory, when Emily looked at the counter and saw my sister Emily's math textbook. Emily started flipping through the book and came to the chapter where the kids learn about box and whisker plots. Well box and whisker plots are FRICKING RETARDED and everyone hates them. So Emily saw the page and yelled, "BOX AND WHISKER AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" as she started to hit the book.
Shit My Family Says
"I wonder if they've gotten bored learning the state capitals and stabbed pencils in her eyes..."
It was like midnight on a Saturday night. My cousins were spending the night and Austin and Dalton had found Emily's gum stash on her desk. They ended up gobbling ALL 50 pieces of the gum and when Emily found out, she was furious. Her punishment for them (which is always a punishment, because its so boring) was for them to play school with her. You see, Emily has always had this fetish with being a teacher and pretending to teach. When she was little she played with stuffed animals and she would force me to come and play with her. But as she's gotten older, it's gotten progressively less fun to play, and therefore has turned into a punishment. So Emily forced my cousins to play with her. After a few minutes of hearing them talking through the wall, (our walls are like paper thin) my other cousin Caitlyn and I hear this BLOODCURDLING SCREAM through the wall. Everso nonchalantly, Caitlyn looks up from YouTube on her iPod and turns to me and says,"I wonder if they've gotten bored learning the state capitals and stabbed pencils in her eyes."
It was like midnight on a Saturday night. My cousins were spending the night and Austin and Dalton had found Emily's gum stash on her desk. They ended up gobbling ALL 50 pieces of the gum and when Emily found out, she was furious. Her punishment for them (which is always a punishment, because its so boring) was for them to play school with her. You see, Emily has always had this fetish with being a teacher and pretending to teach. When she was little she played with stuffed animals and she would force me to come and play with her. But as she's gotten older, it's gotten progressively less fun to play, and therefore has turned into a punishment. So Emily forced my cousins to play with her. After a few minutes of hearing them talking through the wall, (our walls are like paper thin) my other cousin Caitlyn and I hear this BLOODCURDLING SCREAM through the wall. Everso nonchalantly, Caitlyn looks up from YouTube on her iPod and turns to me and says,"I wonder if they've gotten bored learning the state capitals and stabbed pencils in her eyes."
Shit My Family Says
*ring ring ring* Unknown CID
"Take the call. Maybe it's the IRS."
At my house we get phone calls all the time from random phone numbers. This time in particular, my sister saw the Caller ID and said to my dad who was also in the room, "TAKE THE CALL. Maybe it's the IRS."
"Take the call. Maybe it's the IRS."
At my house we get phone calls all the time from random phone numbers. This time in particular, my sister saw the Caller ID and said to my dad who was also in the room, "TAKE THE CALL. Maybe it's the IRS."
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