Shit My Family Says

"Aww, my spoon broke. It's a homemade spork." *five minutes later* "Aww, my spork broke. Now it's a survival knife." *five minutes later*
"DON'T STAB MY JUGULAR!! I'LL MACE YOU! AHHHHHHH!!!!"

After school one day, my mom picked Emily (my sis) and I up and taken us to get frozen yogurt. Emily had tried a new flavor after her portion and had thrown away the sample cup but had kept the tiny plastic spoon. On the drive home, our grandma calls us in the car and asks us to get her some Burger King. When the phone rang, Emily freaked out and bit through the plastic spoon part, breaking off a little triangle piece. She then proceeded to call it a homemade spork. Not five minutes later but she broke the spoon head completely off, leaving a jagged edge to the spoon. Now it was a survival knife, even though it now was shorter than 1.75 inches. Right as we pulled into the drive thru at Burger King, Emily decided to start poking my mom in the throat with the tiny 'survival knife'. At this point my mom yells to Emily,"DON'T STAB MY JUGULAR!!!! I'LL MACE YOU!" She whacks away the hand with the plastic in it and pulls out a tiny bottle of PINK perfume from her purse. My mom then proceeds to spray it in Emily's face. Emily had her mouth open and she ended up getting PINK in her mouth. All while the drive thru person was listening, because my mom had already started to order.